Home. This is an interesting word, which can have different meanings for different people. I've been inspired to write about "home" by two people in the past day. Firstly Tricia Karp, with her own story about home which I stumbled across yesterday here and also by my gorgeous friend Krin, whom I have known since forever.

As I mentioned, home means different things to different people, and at different phases of the journey of life. When we are young, "home" can refer to the place where you live, a dwelling. When we are at the end of our journey, "home" is where many feel they are going as they make their transition from this world and into the next.

For me the word home, goes beyond a dwelling place. I have lived in so many places since I finished high school, that "home" has become less of a locality, and more of a feeling. I often feel I'm "home"when I'm surrounded by trees, ocean and sunshine and even when I'm surrounded by the people I love, whether they be family or friends and also when I am doing something I love. It's a feeling that washes over me in many situations and locations. It is not restricted to one place, and cannot be limited. The feeling of "home" always comes from a place of love. Whether that be self-love, love for the surroundings or love for the people I'm with at the time. It's always taken in context of the situation at hand. Today, I am feeling a sense of home as I look out toward my yard, as I see the life in the fruit trees, the blossoming Lavender, with the sun shining in my window and sparkling off my sun catcher. I am reminded that all is how it should be. By carrying my home, in my heart, wherever I go, I can never be lost, as I always follow my heart and it always leads me "home".

John McLeod, was absolutely right:
If Home is where the heart is
Then may your Home be blessed
A shelter from the storms of Life
A place of rest,
And when each day is over
And toil put in its place
Your Home's dear warmth
Will bring its smile
To light the saddest face!

Music. They say, music soothes the savage beast. It is the language of love. The Universal language. It is a method, through which one can express a range of emotions, both verbally and non-verbally. Music, often means something different to each and every person. It speaks to us in different ways.

Tonight I went to see a free concert of the Symphony Orchestra in the city where I live. It was an amazing experience. The waxing half moon, in the sky above me. The sunset reflecting off the wispy clouds, making them glow of purple in a sky with shades of pink, orange and blue. The setting of the sun gave way to a cool night chill swept in on the breeze.

Armed with a picnic blanket, yummy food, jacket and scarf (yes this is summer) and sitting amongst friends and strangers alike. Yet with the crescendo of the orchestra, we were no longer strangers. We shared a common love, a passion, a beauty and an old friend. Music.

The trill of the piccolo, the smoothness of the bow dancing across the strings of the violins, violas, violoncello's and the double bass. The haunting tones of the clarinet and the depth of the soul of the timpani. All brought together by a man, who with great gusto, conducted as if the only thing that mattered in the world was the music.

Listening to the music, I could feel the passion of the musicians, so strong that it projected throughout the audience. The sound of the music, filling my ears, my heart and my soul, took me on a journey. I could remember so many instances where music has had an impact on my life. Where songs have spoken what I could not express in my own words. I think back to my earliest memory of music. Playing in the garage with my Dad's tools and singing along to his 80s pop station when I was all of 3 or 4 years old. The memories of music kept flooding my mind. Music has consoled me, inspired me, intrigued me and engaged me.

Music has taken me places no other vehicle could ever go. To the depths of my imagination, the corners of my soul. The highs, the lows, the loves and the losses. It can all be expressed through music. Tonight my spirit soared, I was uplifted by sounds so intense and exciting. It took me another place, where all is right with the world in that one instant. Not even the cold could penetrate my focus on the beautiful sounds of the orchestral tunes. It was the epitome of true bliss.

Happy New Year! Happy Year of the Rabbit!

Well it's been a while since I wrote on this blog. It's funny how time just gets away from us when we get caught up in life. The past 6 months has been an incredible journey of self-discovery. I have been in hospital, several times for various reasons. I have had to change my diet and lifestyle quite dramatically in order to better deal with my Crohn's Disease. So far it's working, most of the time, which is an incredible bonus.

I made the decision to get my motor scooter licence so I can have more independence in my life. I passed the test with flying colours, a brand new motor scooter presented itself with such brilliant timing. Now that I have the Scooter, at my home, in my city, I am scared to ride after falling off an hour after I had registered and insured it. I am grateful that people were kind enough to help me, I was not injured and my bike has only minimal damage as far as I know. Luckily my parents were still in town and able to help me fix some of the damage immediately. I now just need to have it checked by a mechanic to rule out any more serious damage, then I need to keep practicing, become more confident in my ability to ride, and take an advanced riding course to improve my skills. It will happen when it is meant to.

Late last year I had become very disillusioned and confused with my life and where things were at. I was scared about work, lack of income and everything that stems from that. I was also very over my chosen city. I decided to take some time out. To get reacquainted with myself. I temporarily worked and lived in a city where I have lived before. It was like taking a step back in time. I thought that I could just fit back in to where I left it and I didn't. I couldn't. I realised I have changed and my life has progressed. I enjoyed spending time with some amazing friends, who once again, opened their hearts and their homes to me, let me into their lives, and helped me on my journey of healing. I realised that not everything is what it seems, and sometimes going back to the past can help you to understand how good the present really is. My time away was bittersweet. I had to sort the shit from the sugar on many levels.

Some of the lessons I learned were difficult. I had to relearn how to love myself. How to like myself, and how to respect myself in order to accept who I am. Learning to stand up for myself and what I believe in. Learning that Karma works.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. This is a very profound quote. Having been away for over 2 months, I have reminded myself that joy can be found in the simplest of things, from the setting of the sun, a swim in the ocean, and the innocent songs of my 2 year old nephew who is obsessed with his aunt's motorscooter (or Auntie C's mo-no bike as he says). Happiness can also be found within, just that sometimes you need to push past the clouds of negativity that stop you from seeing and feeling it.

Love yourself. It's a pretty simple message really. It's a message that somehow keeps appearing to me in many different forms recently, from it being the words written on a dear friends tattoo to many an obvious sign from the universe that this simple key phrase seems to be lacking in my life.

After a recent stint in hospital for Crohn's disease, I have realised that many of the things I have undertaken in my life have been at a hurtling pace with little regard of the physical consequences, ie my health. I am at the tail end of a postgraduate degree which in my Taurean haste to finish, has left me positively drained of energy and passion for my subject which has lead to a lot of stress and last minute throwing together of assignments. Time to care for myself has been an illusion just a smidgeon away from my grasp, as I attempt to rush through all of my other allocated tasks with the notion I'll do something nice for myself later "when I have time".

The time has come. I have taken the time to listen to my body, to consider what it needs to be healthy. I have listened to my inner dialogues and conflicts in order to ascertain what I need to do. I have reassessed my priorities and thought about my future. I have been in total panic when I realised I have accidentally skipped a core subject and felt the relief of knowing that extending my course is for the best. It is necessary. To slow down.

Slowing down is not an act of failure, it is an act of love for myself, knowing that I will reach the inevitable end of my degree in due time, without further damaging my health, without stress, but with the knowledge that I have achieved my dream in my own time with a newly found sense of love, strength and passion.